Couple Love – Essentials For Harmonious Long-Term Relationships

By the time you read this, the wedding will be over, the newlyweds will be off on their honeymoon, and their life along the same exciting road will finally be a reality.

This past weekend my stepson was married to a beautiful, bright, sociable, and thoroughly enchanting bride. I am in delightful shock that he is actually married. In the past, he dated a long string of girls, and females in his life were as fleeting as the local ice cream parlor’s “flavor of the week.” And to think he is now joyfully enmeshed in the sanctified bond of matrimony…

What advice do I give him and his new bride? What basic words of wisdom can I impart as the newlyweds embark on their life as an official married couple? There are so many aspects that make up a successful, long-term and loving relationship between two committed people. From my own life experience, I believe that the following four are the top essentials:

1) Communication – I place this at number one because it ranks way up there as a catalyst for long-term couple success. It is critical to maintain open lines of communication in a down-to-earth authentic way. You should be able to discuss anything with your partner. The flip side to communication is listening. Be attentive. Be focused and listen with the genuine goal of understanding exactly what your partner would like to get across.

Do your best to be patient, even in challenging situations. Difficult, heated topics will rear their ugly heads at some point. You need to be truly communicative through “better or worse” and believe me, everyone gets a share of “worse” at some point. Hopefully it will be minimal. Life obstacles and tough situations do place a strain on any healthy relationship. The key is to keep talking, working it out, and just know that in time “this too shall pass.” Sometimes substantial challenges bring a remarkable learning experience, moving you along to a place of greater couple strength and wisdom — even though they might seem debilitating when you are going through them. Make sure to let your partner know that your love is unconditional and you will always be there for him/her.

2) Respect – Shouldn’t it be simple enough to have common courtesy and treat your partner with the highest regard for their wishes and feelings? Absolutely, but we need to be particularly attentive to this or we tend to slide into the gray areas of unconcern and insensitivity. Sometimes we are more respectful toward our coworkers and friends in a work or social setting. Yet, we have no problem unleashing our anger or impatience on our partner. This takes work (for me too as I tend to sometimes go back to old patterns that I learned when growing up – patterns that I have done much to move away from) and conscious effort, but will help make your couple relationship warm, radiant and fulfilling for both of you.

3) Appreciation – Of course you love your partner/spouse and of course you appreciate them — but do you show it regularly? Do you verbalize it on a daily basis? Share your enthusiasm for all the positive aspects of your partner — after all, you are their greatest fan (you chose them, you committed to them, didn’t you?) You are there to support and encourage, and one way to do this is let them know how much you appreciate their being in your life. On a day-to-day basis, let your statements of gratitude flow from the heart and don’t be shy about verbalizing. Begin a lifelong pattern of appreciation. Your partner will be more than pleased and your bond will be uplifted.

4) “Team” Management – Achieving an energetic/emotional long-term balance for your “team” (that means the two of you!) will ensure that your life journey is a serene and harmonious one. There are really two parts to this.

a) Allowing – This is the important concept of accepting and understanding that your partner should have the freedom to follow his/her own life path. This does not suggest that they are going to live a separate life from you, and do whatever they want whenever they want. This just means that you need to allow your partner to explore life in order to achieve personal, emotional and spiritual growth in a way that is unique and right for them. You may not always agree with all of it, but be understanding. Remember the significance of point #1 – keep those lines of communication open!

One must be able to have that feeling of personal independence, of being the creator of their life — and the ultimate result is that they will be happier, and your overall relationship will be infused with greater joy. Of course, in turn, your partner must treat your life-growth-path with the same attitude of allowing.

b) Separateness/Togetherness and Balance – Achieving that perfect blend of alone-time (individual time) while still walking arm-in-arm along the couple road is the real challenge. Each couple will work out that ideal balance in their own way, but make that effort to get to this place, for it is ultimately the most satisfying for long-term harmony. Connect on a daily basis with affection, devotion, and a sense of humor! Laughter is a great spark of connection, as long as you are laughing WITH your partner and not at them. And always be open to revealing your authentic heart.

It is perfectly fine for each of you to pursue separate activities (not everyone wants to zumba — or play poker) but make sure that there is substantial, quality together time. Common interests, activities and beliefs are what most likely brought you together in the first place. Having meals together is a real bonding time, so even if your work or life schedules keep you apart for much of your daily time (or in some cases days at a time), make sure to “break bread” and share your thoughts, your dreams, your aspirations and above all, your love.

Some affirmations to help keep the bond strong:

• My actions clearly show the depth of the love, caring and support I feel for my partner/spouse.
• I joyfully provide support and understanding through all life’s challenges.
• I always treat the one I love with the utmost respect for their feelings, wishes and life choices.