Have you seen that classic Seinfeld episode, The Puffy Shirt, in which Kramer’s girlfriend is termed a “low-talker.” She speaks so softly that Jerry and George have a really difficult time understanding her. This — in the world of sitcoms — leads to an entanglement of miscommunication which results in a very entertaining episode. This is not to be confused with another episode featuring Judge Reinhold as Elaine’s new boyfriend, the “close talker.” The close talker invades one’s personal space, speaking right into their face — which is very uncomfortable and intimidating — but quite amusing on screen.
And though I certainly don’t consider the Seinfeld series an indicator of communication expertise — by highlighting miscommunication with humor, the show gave us the message of the importance of speaking clearly!
Additionally, most people are familiar with the “fast-talker” and by that I don’t mean the used car salesman stereotype who is trying to fast-talk us into buying something. I used to be guilty of communicating at the speed of light! Maybe that is my Brooklyn upbringing, where I often had to fight to get in a word edgewise. I became aware of it, and have learned to slow my pace, and actually communicate in a more gentle, balanced manner to reflect a more balanced way of life.
Clear communication is essential to being highly-functioning and interactive in today’s fast-paced and sometimes confusing environment. Everyone wants and needs to be heard.
With all the audio and video technology available, it is easy to hear or see how you genuinely sound. If you are not familiar with your own speech, it is worth checking into. You may be surprised at the cadence of your voice. You may even be inspired to do some work on the way you come across.
If you are a “mumbler” and appear almost fearful of articulating, then you can do the work of learning to speak up. Maybe you are not aware of your “low talking,” but if people often ask you to repeat what you’ve said, then maybe it is time to speak more powerfully and let yourself be heard. Enunciating your words at a nicely audible level will improve relationships with everyone in your world. It is also a step toward inspiring more confidence within you.
Of course, don’t completely go in the opposite direction and become a “loud talker” — which can be annoying and discordant. If you do observe yourself on audio or video and realize that you may actually be a loud talker – make a sincere effort to tone it down a notch. People are often put off by loud talkers, and may perceive them as being abrasive, egotistical and difficult to deal with.
If you do happen to catch yourself on video, notice how your eyes react in conjunction with your speaking voice. People tend to be more responsive and understanding if you are able to give them a direct gaze. Don’t be afraid to communicate by looking into their eyes. (On the opposite end of the spectrum, don’t stare them down either.) I think we tend to be somewhat wary of a person who completely averts our gaze and appears afraid to look at us. Of course, this might just be someone’s usual habit and they may be a perfectly nice person — but gaze avoidance tends to make us a bit uncomfortable and cautious.
So what do I suggest? Become a clear talker — and a calm talker. Remaining composed is beneficial in all forms of communication. Pay attention to the way you sound and be aware of your eye contact. Modulate your voice to be appropriate for the situation (screaming is only acceptable at a sporting event!) and be joyful and confident in putting your thoughts across in a caring way. This helps relationships grow, become stronger and more empowered.
Affirmations to help with clear communication:
- It is easy for me to speak clearly and calmly to share my thoughts and feelings.
- I enjoy reaching out to connect with people to exchange ideas and information.
- Every day I find new ways to improve my communication skills.
