Do you sometimes feel like you are surrounded by negative, difficult people — those who appear as thoughtless, overly competitive, egotistical or rude? Or sometimes there is just that one person who is a major challenge in your life — who greatly affects your mood and outlook. All of us can be difficult at times — cranky, moody, hostile, or just having an “off” day. But a difficult person is one who remains that way all the time, every day.
I do use the terms “negative” and “difficult” interchangeably here, but there are differences, which I won’t go into in this article.
I’m sure you would agree that negative people can be a source of stress in our everyday lives. From coworkers to distant relatives to immediate family – others do know how to press our buttons to get us “riled up,” whether accidentally or intentionally.
One suggestion coping with this personality type is to have an understanding of why a person might display this type of behavior. A difficult personality has most likely learned to use these negative patterns through past experience, finding their behavior effective in getting their way or wearing you down. They need to have the upper hand and feel like they’re in control. In reality, these people may have low self-esteem, and their acting-out behavior is likely a result of insecurity. Keep this in mind when interacting with such people.
Another tip for dealing with a such a person is to rely upon your familiarity. By that I mean that you have most likely dealt with this person many times before and can probably run through any potential scenario in your head. Remember that classic, Boy Scout motto: be prepared! You can easily predict what this person might do — so make the decision of how you will react (or NOT react.) Decide ahead of time the best way to handle this — and stick to your decision about this.
Negative people often take unreasonable delight in trying to take you on their emotional, stressed-out journey. They get angry and worked up, trying to get you angry and worked up too. They may even begin raising their voice and want you to start doing the same. Refuse to be part of this. You can listen in an understanding way and communicate openly but don’t let them take control by provoking negative emotions.
In general, it helps to develop a firm, non-reactive, “I don’t really care” attitude about this. This will empower you to stay calm, cool and collected, and more easily take control of your reaction — and the situation.
Finally, after a challenging encounter with such a negative person, don’t dwell on it. If things did not go as well as you would have liked, just move ahead with your life. Don’t let it put a damper on the rest of your day! Consciously let it go and move on.
Maybe you can’t change a particular person, but you can certainly change the way you look at that individual. Look through new and calmer eyes, find something a bit more positive about that person to focus on, and perhaps your whole perception about that person will soften a little. After all, under the layers of the tough, outer shell — what each difficult, negative person seeks is love and acceptance. They just may not know how to go about it in a well-balanced, joyful way.
Affirmations for helping us cope:
- I choose to remain calm and non-reactive in situations with challenging people.
- I focus on the positive aspects of those with whom I interact on a regular basis.
- It is easy for me to let go of negative encounters and move on with the joy of my day
