Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “what we teach is often what we most need to learn”. I have always wanted everything to be just so, according to my own subjective perceptions, and if it wasn’t, I would become agitated and obsessively focused on whatever needed “perfecting”. Perhaps this is just an underlying part of the larger label of control.
My father was the stereotype of the control freak. In childhood, nothing I did was ever quite right and I never did enough of what he told me to do. Then I a married a man that was very much like Dad, so I was dealing with an eerily familiar personality. That marriage ended many years ago, but in taking back myself and starting to discover exactly who I am, I found myself now slipping into the skin of the perfectionist. Was this a reaction to all the years of being under someone else’s power and control?
Regardless of where it came from, the perfectionist in me emerged to take the wheel and not until I started my Reiki path did I begin to realize that I was steering way off course from whom I really aspired to be. I needed to relax quite a bit (and I am still working on it!) and remind myself, Just For today I will not anger. Just for today, I will not worry. (two of the Five Reiki Precepts – see my blog post on the precepts).
Some of my perfectionism focused on getting everything done and my TO DO lists would be overwhelming. So I’ve learned to cut down the lists, only focus on the essentials and if I don’t get something done, that’s okay! My mother was a perfectionist in the house. In between working, she would often be scrubbing, cleaning, wiping, etc. I find myself falling into this trap at times, but two kids, two stepkids, and 3 pets later, I have learned that not everything needs to be spotless and germ-free – that’s if I want to have any time to myself.
The toughest challenge is to stop expecting perfection in others – my husband, for instance. The man I am now married to is an amazing and understanding husband and I am grateful that we found each other! But if left to his own devices, there would be lots of TV watching and not much household-task support. I am learning to deal with it – an ongoing process. Reiki teaches us to be accepting and open to letting healing light and love into our lives. It teaches us gratitude. When all of these positive living aspects flow into our experience, it helps us let go of the negative aspects of our personalities, including perfectionism.
If I do forget, and my perfectionism flares up (almost like an unwelcome dis-ease), my husband will wisely chastise me with a smile : “Don’t forget the precepts! Just for today I will not anger!” That usually puts me in my place and brings me back to center. Positive change happens in us only when we are open to them and I am totally open to letting perfectionism be gone!
