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Do you sometimes feel like you are surrounded by negative, difficult people — those who appear as thoughtless, overly competitive, egotistical or rude? Or sometimes there is just that one person who is a major challenge in your life — who greatly affects your mood and outlook. All of us can be difficult at times — cranky, moody, hostile, or just having an “off” day. But a difficult person is one who remains that way all the time, every day.
I do use the terms “negative” and “difficult” interchangeably here, but there are differences, which I won’t go into in this article.
I’m sure you would agree that negative people can be a source of stress in our everyday lives. From coworkers to distant relatives to immediate family – others do know how to press our buttons to get us “riled up,” whether accidentally or intentionally.
One suggestion coping with this personality type is to have an understanding of why a person might display this type of behavior. A difficult personality has most likely learned to use these negative patterns through past experience, finding their behavior effective in getting their way or wearing you down. They need to have the upper hand and feel like they’re in control. In reality, these people may have low self-esteem, and their acting-out behavior is likely a result of insecurity. Keep this in mind when interacting with such people.
Another tip for dealing with a such a person is to rely upon your familiarity. By that I mean that you have most likely dealt with this person many times before and can probably run through any potential scenario in your head. Remember that classic, Boy Scout motto: be prepared! You can easily predict what this person might do — so make the decision of how you will react (or NOT react.) Decide ahead of time the best way to handle this — and stick to your decision about this.
Negative people often take unreasonable delight in trying to take you on their emotional, stressed-out journey. They get angry and worked up, trying to get you angry and worked up too. They may even begin raising their voice and want you to start doing the same. Refuse to be part of this. You can listen in an understanding way and communicate openly but don’t let them take control by provoking negative emotions.
In general, it helps to develop a firm, non-reactive, “I don’t really care” attitude about this. This will empower you to stay calm, cool and collected, and more easily take control of your reaction — and the situation.
Finally, after a challenging encounter with such a negative person, don’t dwell on it. If things did not go as well as you would have liked, just move ahead with your life. Don’t let it put a damper on the rest of your day! Consciously let it go and move on.
Maybe you can’t change a particular person, but you can certainly change the way you look at that individual. Look through new and calmer eyes, find something a bit more positive about that person to focus on, and perhaps your whole perception about that person will soften a little. After all, under the layers of the tough, outer shell — what each difficult, negative person seeks is love and acceptance. They just may not know how to go about it in a well-balanced, joyful way.
Affirmations for helping us cope:
- I choose to remain calm and non-reactive in situations with challenging people.
- I focus on the positive aspects of those with whom I interact on a regular basis.
- It is easy for me to let go of negative encounters and move on with the joy of my day
What better way to enhance any relationship than to freely offer generous words of appreciation and caring? This is such a simple action, but I believe it is too often overlooked as we sometimes tend to take those close to us for granted! And even if we sincerely care about our child, parent, friend, spouse, partner — do we tell them often enough? Do we reassure them that we are there for them?
My own mother had a difficult time saying “I love you” — not because she didn’t feel it, but because of her upbringing. The attitude of parenting in her time was more stoic. Taking care of the children was essential, but those warm, gushy “I love you’s” were frowned upon. I don’t exactly understand why that was, but it was the parenting mode that my mother had modeled herself after when she became a mother. I know that she loved me dearly — she certainly took great care of me and nurtured me to the best of her ability. But the flow of emotion that is generally encouraged today was lacking in my childhood experience.
It was only in later years, when I began to break away from negative past patterns, that I was able to share my heart in more ebullient and bold ways. When she and my father moved over 2,000 miles away toward semi-retirement, there was a big distance gap in the bond that we had shared. However, it was during this major parting and subsequent visits, that I finally felt the freedom and courage to be able to say a heartfelt “I love you so much” to her, something that had made her oddly uncomfortable in prior years. She began to return that warmth verbally too. It was a beautiful achievement that we were able to share our feelings a bit later in life because all too soon my mother was gone.
The point here is to have the courage, the motivation, the desire to let those close to you know how important they are, how much their presence and caring adds to YOUR life. Validate their meaningfulness to you. Often and joyfully acknowledge the vibrancy of their bond with you.
Think about how amazing YOU feel when you are told that you are loved, needed, adored and respected! It makes us simply glow when we hear these tender words from close family and friends. So bring more statements of endearments into the lives of those surrounding you. They will be grateful!
Use powerful, but simple phrases like:
- I love you
- I care for you
- I appreciate you
- You are important to me
- I am so happy that you are in my life
- When you smile, I smile!
- Your well-being and happiness is so important to me
Make a real effort this week to try this — say them with meaning, with feeling and of course in your own authentic words. This kind of talk on a regular basis is heartwarming to all. Knowing how I felt about my mother’s obvious lack of “I love you” statements, I went in the opposite direction with my own children, keeping the emotional and verbal affection overflowing for them. Despite years of divorce issues with their father, bestowing those affirmations of love upon my kids kept them close to me. They knew I was there for them and they were secure about my unconditional love. They are now adults and we share strong communicative and loving bonds.
Affirmations for focusing on kindness and caring:
- I love to see people’s joyful reactions when I tell them how much I care about them.
- Every day I take time to express genuine kindness, consideration and respect toward others.
- Thoughtful, loving actions toward others is an important part of who I am and what I do.
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” ~~Anthony Robbins
Does the significance of gratitude impact your own life? The great motivational/inspirational teachers encourage us to bring more supreme appreciation into our lives. It is said to be a powerful force that can shift our lives.
By focusing on those beautiful, lovely things and aspects that are already in our lives, we will then attract more of the same. So by giving our full and delighted attention to what is going right for us — the prosperity, the love, the kindness that already surrounds us — we can magnetically attract more of these into our experience.
Now whether or not you completely believe that, there is definitely something fascinating and uplifting about this concept. Anything that can make you feel better is worth a little attention!
Okay, I’ll be honest — this is one area where I personally need to do more inner work. The all-too-human side of me can get caught up in the hectic, multitasking pace of life at times that I forget to take a “gratitude break.” Feeling in the consistent stream of appreciation consistently is a process that takes conscious effort. But it’s worth it!
Basically, it’s important to stop whining and complaining — many people tend to get caught up in the loop of this kind of attitude. It’s human to vent our feelings and frustrations, but don’t dwell on it. And although it often seems easier to keep up the steady cadence of lack and negativity, it’s not healthy and will not bring anything positive into our lives!
Stop focusing on what you don’t like and don’t want. Look around your personal environment and start appreciating! Appreciate a person, a pet, a cherished possession. Appreciate any little beautiful aspect of nature that calls to you.
As I write this, there is a blue jay just outside my window, hopping on the fence posts looking for peanuts that I often leave there. I just took a moment to appreciate his visit, his pretty blue colorings and markings, before he flew away. Something as simple as the comfort of your chair, the sunlight streaming in a window can just uplift you in an easy way.
Appreciating people that are close to you (and verbalizing it generously) will always be a loving, supportive boost to relationships! Gratitude always nurtures any bond.
The more often you engage in these small (or large) moments of gratitude, the better you will feel! As you feel better, you think better — and your attitude improves. You become wrapped in a more joyful environment. As you feel gratitude toward all that you DO have, a sense of abundance surrounds you, infuses you. All in all, you will feel happier, more peaceful, more balanced.
Affirmations to help focus on feelings of gratitude:
- It is easy for me to feel and express appreciation for others.
- I focus on all the positive things in my life, empowering them to grow and multiply!
- I gratefully accept happiness and prosperity from a supportive, abundant Universe.
We have all heard of the expression “forgive and forget” — but why is it so difficult for most people to let go of animosity? And even if we can possibly do the forgiving, can we ever truly forget in a situation where we feel seriously “wronged?”
The question is: can forgiving others really impact your life substantially for the better? The dictionary definition of the verb “forgive” means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake. All of us have experienced situations where we tend to hold on to anger and hostility. Sometimes we have a truly good reason to hang on to it; other times it is really a “perceived” or subjective condition that seems to magnify over time in our minds. For instance, if one’s spouse or partner cheats on them — most would agree that such an action is morally and ethically wrong. And that might justify hostile, negative thought regarding the wayward person.
However, take the case of the boss who chooses to promote one employee over another, even though both appear qualified for the position. How does the non-promoted employee feel — does he/she start to hold a grudge against the boss, harboring resentment? This is a more gray area, and I suspect many would say, “get over it — just be glad you have a job in this economy.” But the person who did not get promoted might take this to heart and let it fester until it negatively impacts their work environment as well as their psyche.
What about family forgiveness? What family does not have at least one relationship that is filled with friction and bad feelings? In my own life, one branch of cousins had a falling out with my side of the family, and there was no communication for nearly twenty years. You think at that point when no one can remember what the argument was even about, that maybe it’s time to make up and be harmonious again? Fortunately, one of my cousins showed up out of the blue right at the graveside of my mother’s funeral and amends were finally made with very emotional overtones.
But real forgiveness — the kind that comes from our hearts — and really helps us let go of the pain, the anger and the sadness — is often hard to do. Why do we insist on holding on to our anger and resentment? Isn’t it so much more healing for us to release those negative emotions? Yet it appears to be human nature to keep it bottled inside.
There are different ways to forgive and different forms of forgiveness:
1) Forgiving someone from your own perspective. This type of forgiveness does not actively involve the other person who is the object of your bitter feelings. This means doing the inner work on your own (or with a therapist, counselor, etc.) — piece by piece, releasing each segment of negative, resentful emotion. When these blockages are truly gone, your psyche should feel healed and clear — this is a major “cleansing” process.
2) Forgiving someone face to face. Some situations are best resolved actively with the other person. You need to sincerely share your forgiveness and let them know you are ready to begin anew with the relationship. You may wish to ask for them to forgive you too. This scenario asks that you let go of blame and fault — and only focus on healing and moving forward.
3) Learning from the experience. Life teaches us all kinds of lessons, and we need to be open to at least learn from difficult experiences. What can you personally learn from the experience of holding on to the anger versus letting forgiveness into your life? What lessons will you take into the future to improve and enrich your relationships?
4) Accepting healing into your life and moving on. Being open to complete emotional healing is key to the act of forgiveness. When we are stuck in prolonged situations of anger toward others, our lives are certainly not joyful. The more anger you feel, the more anger and negativity you attract into your life. So, to answer my earlier question, I DO believe that forgiving can point one’s life in a significantly positive direction. By allowing both your mind and heart to heal, letting the pain subside, and focusing on positivity, you will be able to move forward in life in a peaceful and balanced way.
Affirmations for forgiveness:
- I release all anger and resentment, and replace this with genuine forgiveness.
- Forgiving others brings me to a peaceful place of understanding and balance.
- By letting go of all past hurts, my heart opens to healing and harmony.
Most practitioners have likely been encouraged after Level I to begin their Reiki journey with 21 days of daily self-healing. After all, Mikao Usui was enlightened with the Reiki system of healing as he spent 21 days meditating and fasting on Mount Kurama. I do request that my students begin a 21-day self-healing odyssey as well as a simple daily practice that they can continue on with indefinitely. I truly hope that they can see the benefits of a daily personal practice and that continuing on becomes an enlightened and pleasant task, as opposed to a tedious ritual that one feels they must do.
Every Reiki practitioner should have a regular daily practice. With today’s hectic schedules, it’s okay if you don’t sit for an hour and meditate in Gassho. A ten to fifteen minute practice can be brief, but powerful, and will energize, balance and prepare you for the day. But it’s key to develop an energetic routine that resonates with your own beliefs as well as time schedule — one that feels good and uplifting to you!
I will share a suggestion that is perfect for Level II Practitioners and up, as an example. You can use all of these steps, or some of them, and feel free to add or continue those actions that have already worked well in your life.
- Sit in a relaxed, meditational position.
- Get in touch with Earth energy for grounding — imagine you have roots growing down from the base of your spine (root chakra) all the way to the center of the Earth, connecting you securely with Mother Earth.
- Draw the symbols that you are attuned to into the palm of each hand.
- Place your palms over each chakra, beginning at the crown and working down. Skip the third eye but when you have reached the root, place one hand on the root chakra (your back, bottom of spine) and the other on your forehead over the third eye area.
- As you place your palms on each chakra, take a deep Hara breath (breathe all the way down to the belly) and envision that the symbols are entering that particular chakra and filling your entire being with their energy.
- Do Kenyoku (dry bathing) technique to dislodge any negative energy and make way for positive energy.
- Go into Gassho position and recite the 5 Reiki Precepts three times slowly, reflecting on them as you state them.
- Do a personal “invocation” or “invitation” to Reiki to fill your being and your living space. Ask to be surrounded by healing light as you go about the tasks of your day.
- Give thanks to Reiki for being part of your life and for healing you.
- Take a few deep cleansing breaths, let your face and heart smile — and you are ready to begin your day!
I love to write about Positive Affirmations because this is such a powerful, transformative concept! Are you personally using positive affirmations in your life? I strongly believe they CAN make a significant difference in the way you feel, they way you think and the way you look at life in general. If used consistently, they can jumpstart your life toward a much-better-feeling everyday reality.
Whether or not you are familiar with this concept, here is an example of two vastly different sets of statements:
I am really out of shape.
My body and life are a total mess.
Bad things always happen to me.
I am so completely stressed out.
Nobody appreciates me.
I wake up with a gloomy outlook every day.
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I take good care of my physical self and enjoy vibrant health.
I am confident in my abilities.
There is much joy and abundance in my life.
I easily deal with any challenges that arise.
The appreciation I feel for others is mirrored back to me.
I greet each day with enthusiasm.
How did the first set of statements make you feel when you were reading them? Did the word “negativity” clearly pop into your mind, accompanied by that twinge of negative emotion? In contrast, what emotions come into play for the second set? You can see just by this small example that affirmations are statements that have intense power. However, some have negative power and some have positive power!
Saying one or two affirmations here and there is not going to have much impact on your life. Saying relevant ones — those that resonate with you personally — on a consistent basis, is the way to really put an affirmation practice into action. This leads to “affirmation thinking,” which is the mindset that helps you create a better reality for yourself.
When I first discovered affirmations, I was very excited about the potential, but wondered if they would make any substantial difference in my overall attitude. I decided to incorporate these statements into my life. I began by choosing just a few that created a good-feeling, uplifting emotional sense within me. Incredibly, they DID start a shift in my way of thinking.
The “ah ha” moment was realizing that I had a CHOICE in the way I think, and that I can choose which thoughts to give my focus and attention. So I choose to make positive statements — which of course connect to and inspire optimistic thoughts.
Try a simple affirmation practice for yourself. Saying one (or a few) aloud in the morning and again in the evening is an easy way to begin to bring joyful thinking into your everyday experience. I encourage you to start today — using positive affirmations on a regular basis can be self-empowering and truly life-changing!
“When you see someone living something awful, a rocket of desire for their resolution shoots out of you. And then, if you start focusing upon their resolution, you’ll start feeling better right away. And now, you’re part of the current that is part of the solution.” – Abraham – Hicks
What happens when someone you love is stuck — stuck in a horrible situation, going through a truly turbulent time? It hurts so much to see them suffer, and you feel their pain — deeply. At times you might even feel like you are vicariously taking on their troubles. You are extremely frustrated — so what should you do? What CAN you do?
This is one of the most trying life scenarios we often face, especially if the “stuck” person is very close to us, such as an immediate family member. (And by stuck, I mean emotionally stuck, not someone dealing with a disease or acute health crisis, because that is a whole different case.) If it is a child — as their parent, you may be able to influence them, guide them or give them certain limitations. But if it is another adult, that is much more of a gray area.
Here are four points to keep in mind if you caught up in such a situation:
1) Stick to your own positive life path and don’t let yourself be pulled down. Though the troubled person definitely impacts your day-to-day reality, don’t let yourself be dragged down. If that should happen, you will end up a mess, and you certainly will not be helpful to the person in need. Despite being susceptible to the negative energy of the situation, make sure to keep your own personal light and energy strong and bright. Of course, this might not be an easy task, but stay focused and work on it — the benefit of remaining in a more balanced mindset is huge.
2) Offer words of encouragement and support. Of course, this is the most common and practical advice. Try not to berate the person, argue with them, shout at them or any similar behavior. Be positive, optimistic and offer clear and gentle guidance. Even though you are sure you know how to solve their issue, they might see things differently and may not be open if you push too hard. They may not be open to it no matter what you say or suggest. Just understand that, as difficult as it might seem.
3) Focus on the solution, not the problem. This is essential! When you get into the loop of extreme negative thinking, it only serves to make matters worse and perpetuate a bad situation. You need to uplift — really get your heart and thoughts wrapped around a solution. Give your full energetic attention a plan of positive action. Think clearly and move forward! Reread the quote from Abraham at the beginning of this article.
4) Understand that everyone must choose their own life path — good or bad. You can’t live your life for someone else. You can’t live their life for them. You can only steer your own personal course and do the best you can. You need to acknowledge this. Even if you try to encourage, support and lift someone from despair, or change their “poor” life choices, nothing may change. They have to WANT to change. That is the only true catalyst.
One last reminder, let your love flow unconditionally — and make sure the other person is clearly aware of this. Unconditional love is a most amazing and powerful healing force…
Affirmations to help keep strong and focused:
- Focusing clearly on a solution is an enlightened way to help someone else going through hardship.
- Self-empowerment and positive thinking help me achieve balance and confidence along my own life path.
- I love my family and friends unconditionally, and I tell them often of my appreciation.
“When things seem to hit bumps or create undesirable experiences, how do you respond? Do you roll up your sleeves and focus on how to best dance with the situation to learn and grow? Or do you begin a downward spiral into your victim, feeling fear, overwhelm, a sense of defeat or depression?” — Lorraine Cohen
When life gets tough, do you get tough? Or do you slow down to a whimper and want to hide from life? How we handle challenges determines how happy we can be, how successful we are, and in general, how balanced we feel as individuals. Adaptability and “rolling with the punches” is the essence of inner strength — it is that emotional skill that gets us through those bumps and undesirable experiences.
But how does one access adaptability? Acknowledging who you are at your inner core, seeking that bright light that glows within means stretching within and without. This means stretching your heart and thoughts to have a bright and radiant vision of your dreams and plans. It means have a steadfast vision of yourself as a strong can-do, will-do person.
It means focusing and clearly defining your goals, infusing them with happy, self-empowering energy in both a practical and spiritual way. It means leaving any victim mentality behind and really adopting a hero mentality.
Sometimes we fall into the negative chaotic pockets that “chasm” into our lives. Sometimes we feel challenged. Sometimes we feel utterly trapped. And though the challenges are real and sometimes pretty scary, there is one power that we retain over everything. That is the power of our attitude. We alone are responsible for choosing our attitude. Either we can fall into the crevice of victim, depression and negativity or we can pick ourselves up with an abundance-and-optimism cheer of YES I can overcome obstacles, YES I can find joy, YES I can emerge from the depths of darkness to be my authentic, adaptable, positive-at-the-core self.
It’s up to you to make the choice….
- I choose to write my life story in a positive and inspired way.
- I say YES to an adaptable, authentic, optimistic life path.
- It is easy for me to meet all challenges with perseverance and clarity of thinking.
Join me in attending Lorraine Cohen’s Free 3-week life-changing tele-event, Your Power-full YES — see sidebar to left for more info. I am looking forward to all the well-known inspirational teachers who will share their wisdom!
What we give our attention to expands and grows — regardless of whether it is positive or negative, or good or bad. Could this also apply to the recent oil-spill tragedy in the Gulf? If we continue to give negative emphasis and angry energy directed to BP, its President, corporate identity and Board, wouldn’t that perhaps just continue to make a dire situation worse?
In my heart, I have felt very personally affected by this man-made tragedy. As humans, I strongly believe we are responsible for taking good care of Mother Earth which sustains us, being kind to the creatures of this planet as well as the entire ecosystem. We have certainly fallen short big-time with this responsibility. Just continuing to place anger and blame right now will not bring a solution. To counteract the blame, the hostility and the frustration, we need to start envisioning some healing. We need to keep expanding on the forces of good.
In light of this, I am sharing some thoughts from a student/friend of mine:
“I do believe absolutely in good as a force, and that when we do good a cloud of blessings arises and expands and keeps on expanding. I believe that speaking about good, even naming good, pronouncing the word, increases the momentum of good, makes it gather force and grow… And if I believe this, why may there not be the opposite?
Because I do not want to add to the momentum of negativity, I will not name the opposite force nor discuss it nor do I want to contemplate it. I will not water poisonous plants … my feeling is that good expands infinitely as people work with it… So we must add to the momentum of good.” ~~ Alexandra Converse (Alexandra, thank you for sharing your insights!)
People who firmly believe in the Law of Attraction will instantly say that is part of the LOA theory. But whatever your beliefs, it certainly would be better to add to the “momentum of good” as opposed to the opposite.
In terms of the Gulf, let us focus on a solution, holding the picture of a cleared area with the beginnings of a rebirth. Joining thoughts, hearts and prayers in a connected flow is one powerful way to send healing and hope in that direction.
In the broader perspective, there may eventually be some good that arises out of this — perhaps a more united front of caring for and preserving our natural resources. Maybe the oil companies and big business have had a wake-up call — just maybe. And deep in my heart, I choose to believe in the “momentum of good.”
Affirmations to help support the planet:
- I see healing flowing to this planet and envision the Earth as vital and healthy!
- I direct powerful, positive thoughts toward areas that need rebirth.
- Each day, I take “green” steps and actions toward a brighter future.
As a Reiki teacher, I have walked the Reiki path for awhile now and this healing modality has made such a positive transformation in my own life. I’m sure many would agree that Reiki has been a remarkable benefit to themselves and to those around them. So I love Reiki; I’ve reaped many benefits, but still… I am a student of the Universe and have found myself on a fascinating quest for information about other forms of healing as well.
Reconnective Healing is a newer system, discovered by Dr. Eric Pearl, who was originally a chiropractor He is now considered a powerful healer, well-known all over the world. His Reconnective Healing seminar sold out Madison Square Garden and he gives workshops internationally. I discovered him quite by accident (is anything an accident?) when I was invited by an internet healing community to join their Reconnective group.
I viewed fascinating videos of Dr. Eric Pearl speaking about his healing method. I was eagerly drawn in by his hearty and unique sense of humor and authenticity. So I immediately read his book, and over time have met with some of his certified practitioners to have a session and get further information.
A very major difference between Reiki and Reconnective is that Reiki is has roots in tradition and rituals begun by founder Mikao Usui, traditions which are continued today by the society that fruthered his Reiki practices in Japan after his death. Reconnective healing is pure healing with basically no rituals involved. A practitioner places his hands usually above the client and most healing occurs on this level. There are no symbols, no cleansing or preparation of any sort.
From the website, here is a brief explanation: “It is considered to be able to reconnect us to the universe and to our very essence not just through a new set of healing frequencies, but through possibly an entirely new bandwidth.” This system is often described as composed of “light and information.”
I had listened to several interviews given by Dr. Pearl, mostly recorded a few years back. However, one day he was here interviewed on Conscious Dialogs (Blogtalk Radio) by radio host Anita Pathik Law. I phoned in from my cell phone from the car to listen live.
After the initial part of the interview, Anita was beginning to take questions from callers and suddenly, she announced that my area code was unmuted, and did I have a question or comment for Dr. Pearl? Well, you can imagine my surprise at suddenly finding myself on the air, but I was thrilled to be speaking live one-to-one with him. He certainly encouraged me to take a workshop — which I may do at some point in the future. Maybe the Universe has further plans for me, and perhaps Reconnective Healing will one day become an addition to my own personal “repertoire” of healing frequencies. After all, one can never have too much healing!
Check out this fascinating book: The Reconnection book by Eric Pearl
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